From Empathetic Distress to Compassion: Lessening Burnout in a Troubled World
Amid strenuous relationships and strife in the US with the current political climate, there has been a call for empathy and compassion. Most of us agree that empathy is essential, but what happens when too much empathy makes us feel stuck and disconnected?
Empathy and its Benefits
Empathy is a mental construct and subsequent behavior that leads us to understand and feel a person’s emotions. In other words, we step into “the other person’s shoes.” We can empathize with anyone, including friends, strangers suffering from injustice, or even those we disagree with politically.
When we are empathetic, our brain mirrors the other person’s emotional experience. If you are watching a video on social media that shows a mother forced to leave her children, you may feel deep sadness or helplessness. We feel with the other person, which may or may not lead to motivation to help (more on that below). Exhibiting empathy is critical to establishing and maintaining healthy relationships, creating social cohesion, and engaging in conflict resolution. Without empathy, it isn’t easy to maintain relationships with loved ones, advocate for others, or do most jobs effectively.
Empathetic Distress: When Empathy Becomes Overwhelming
Many of us scroll through social media daily and bear witness to horrendous acts of violence, abuse, and manipulation. If we aren’t on social media, we may hear about current events at work or from family and friends and acknowledge crisis after crisis unfolding. What happens if we don’t see a way to help those that need help in real time? What happens when we take in the emotions of those we see on our screens or speak to in person, and the lines blur between their emotions and ours?
Empathetic Distress is described by Singer and Klimecki (2014) as “a strong aversive and self-oriented response to the suffering of others, accompanied by the desire to withdraw from a situation to protect oneself from excessive negative feelings.”
This unchecked empathy stifles our ability to foster connection. Instead of focusing on the individuals in which we are empathetic toward, we turn inward and notice the distress it causes us. Empathetic distress can lead to avoidance, feelings of anxiety and depression, helplessness, “victim blaming,” or hostility. It can also lead to physical symptoms, such as headaches, nausea, and fatigue, ironically reducing the ability to help others.
Compassion: The Alternative that Doesn’t Drain Us
Compassion is different from empathy. While empathy is about feeling what another person feels, compassion allows us to acknowledge the suffering of others and respond with care without absorbing their emotions. This can lead us to more action without the negative side effects of emotional burnout. Instead of drowning in another’s pain, we can support them with kindness and a clear mind. Compassion enables us to listen deeply, offer solutions, and create change without becoming emotionally depleted.
How to Cultivate Compassion and Combat Empathetic Distress
Practice Mindfulness of Emotions—Mindfulness can help create space between feeling and reacting. Label what you feel, and then observe your emotions as coming and going, like waves in the sea. Note that thoughts often perpetuate your emotional state, so when practicing mindfulness, continue to bring your attention back to your emotions and sensations without following that spiral of thoughts.
Create Mindfulness Practice—Loving Kindness and compassion meditations (check out YouTube for audio and video) can help you build and separate compassion from empathetic distress. When we say create a practice, we mean trying to engage in these meditations at least once daily, usually around the same time. If you want to learn more about Cultivating Compassion Training, check out The Chung Huong Institute’s offerings. Trust me, it’s worth it!
Use Grounding Techniques—Deep breathing, paired muscle relaxation, visualization, exercise, or yoga can help create emotional distance. Use these practices before and after hearing about or viewing emotionally charged content to ground yourself in the present and lower empathetic distress.
Differentiate Between Your Emotions and Theirs—When witnessing someone’s pain, pause and ask yourself: “Is this my emotion surfacing, or am I absorbing theirs?” This awareness can help you step back without shutting down.
Offer Support Without Over-Identifying—You can listen, validate, and offer help without fully taking on another person’s emotional experience. For example, instead of saying, “This is unbearable,” or “Everything is awful right now,” try, “I see that you’re struggling, and I’m here to listen.“
Engage in Compassion-Based Action—Shift from passive emotional absorption to proactive support. Instead of spiraling into negative emotions, ask, “How can I help?” Look for groups in your area focused on the causes you care about, and find out how you can volunteer, raise awareness, or donate.
Acknowledge Your Limits—Recognize that you cannot single-handedly fix every problem or alleviate all suffering. Radically accepting your limitations helps you engage meaningfully without feeling overwhelmed. Check-in with yourself when engaging in compassion-based action or supporting others by asking, “How am I feeling while doing this?” If you begin to feel drained, give yourself permission to take a break.
Balance Self-Care and Advocacy—Taking breaks and engaging in activities that restore you ensures that your empathy remains sustainable. Remind yourself that just because you are taking a step back and resting doesn’t mean you are complicit in perpetuating atrocities. You must take care of yourself to help others. Remember: rest and recreation can be an act of compassion toward yourself, which, if you are experiencing empathetic distress, will significantly enhance your ability to be compassionate toward others.
Limit Exposure to Distressing Content—If you notice yourself becoming emotionally exhausted from social media, news, or others speaking about current events, set boundaries around how you consume that content. Perhaps only look at a specific news source for a limited amount of time per day or week, or say to a friend, “I know it’s important to process what is happening in the world, and I need to take a break from it for some time to recharge.“
Seek Support for Yourself—Engage with a positive support system. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, find someone who is in your corner and can respond with compassion rather than their own distress.
Reframe Your Role—Instead of seeing yourself as responsible for fixing others’ problems, consider yourself a supportive presence. Being compassionate does not mean absorbing pain; it means authentically showing up with care and kindness while maintaining your emotional health.
Note Other Emotions – Recognize that joy, love, and resilience persist while suffering exists. We can acknowledge joy, AND sorrow can exist simultaneously. We can notice what is happening around us AND not be consumed.
It is vital for us, our relationships, and society at large to exhibit empathy. Still, overloading ourselves with others’ emotional experiences and taking them in can lead to empathetic distress and inaction.
Compassion is the antidote that allows us to engage with the world’s pain without losing ourselves. As we navigate personal struggles and local and world crises, shifting from empathetic distress to compassion can help us stay connected, effective, and whole.
Singer, T., & Klimecki, O. M. (2014). Empathy and compassion. Current Biology, 24(18), R875–R878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2014.06.054
Dowling, T. (2018). Compassion does not fatigue! Canadian Veterinary Journal, 59, July 2018.
Shelby Milhoan, LCPC