Signs of Spiritual Abuse—Part Two

To read the first part of this series, click here.

Minimizing, Controlling, and Suppressing the Self in High-Control Religious Groups

In part one, I introduced the Religious Power & Control Wheel—a framework developed by the Religious Trauma Institute to help identify signs of spiritual abuse in high-control religious groups. While Part One covered coercion, intimidation, emotional abuse, and isolation, this second installment explores four more forms of control that often show up in religious or spiritual abuse.

If you’ve ever felt like your thoughts, feelings, or identity were unwelcome in your religious environment—or that questioning authority meant risking everything—this might help you name your experience.

5. Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

This form of abuse often shows up in spiritual bypassing—a way of using religious language to dismiss or avoid emotional truth. You may have heard phrases like:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
“Let go and let God.”

These statements may sound comforting on the surface, but they can also be used to shut down valid emotions or deny harm. When someone is told they’re “straying” for questioning doctrine or “not faithful enough” if prayers go unanswered, it invalidates their experience and adds shame to their pain.

Other examples of minimizing and blaming:

Gaslighting: “That didn’t happen,” or “You’re being dramatic.”
Victim blaming: “Did you bring this on yourself by sinning?”
Required forgiveness: “You must forgive, no matter what happened—it’s the godly thing to do.”

These tactics can lead individuals to believe, “If I were just more faithful, I wouldn’t be suffering,” making it difficult to hold abusers accountable or even name abuse for what it is.

6. Loss of Autonomy

A core characteristic of spiritual abuse is the erasure of personal agency. In high-control religious environments, critical thinking, gut instincts, and emotional intuition are often suppressed or shamed.

Common signs:

Members are taught to distrust their own thoughts and emotions.
Group leaders or religious texts are treated as the only source of truth.
Individuals are discouraged from making major decisions (e.g., marriage, career, parenting) without group or elder approval.

Some groups enforce this control through:

“Accountability groups” or confession sessions where privacy is stripped
Forced sharing of personal information or “collateral” that can be used against you
Dependence on the group for financial support, social life, or even housing

Over time, this creates a deep-seated belief: “I can’t trust myself. I need others to tell me what’s right.” For those leaving a high-control group, even basic decisions can feel overwhelming and anxiety-inducing.

7. Control of Gender and Sexuality

Rigid gender roles are common in high-control religions. These roles are often:

Binary and traditional (e.g., men lead, women submit)
Strictly enforced, with punishment or shame for deviation
Used to justify subjugation, especially of women and queer individuals

Queer and gender-diverse identities are frequently pathologized or demonized. You might hear things like:

“The gay agenda is corrupting our children.”
“God made you a woman, and your role is to serve your husband.”
“Same-sex attraction is a temptation to overcome.”

This kind of messaging deeply harms self-worth and can lead to depression, anxiety, and identity suppression.

8. Economic Control

In many high-control religious environments, financial control is another tool of power. It may show up in ways like:

Required tithes or offerings (e.g., “Give 10% of your income or you’re disobeying God”)
Group-wide sharing of finances disguised as mentorship
Shame or punishment for “worldly” spending or earning
Discouragement—especially for women—from pursuing careers or higher education

Material success outside the group may be frowned upon. Members who express desire for life beyond the group may be labeled as disobedient or lacking faith.

Naming Abuse, Finding Freedom

Recognizing spiritual abuse can be incredibly difficult—especially if you’re still part of a group or have close ties to people who are. Denial and fear are normal, especially when leaving means losing your community, identity, or sense of purpose.

Let’s be clear: religion itself is not the problem. Many people find healing, hope, and meaning in their faith. But when religion is used as a tool of control, harm, or suppression, it becomes something else entirely.If you or someone you care about sees these patterns in a spiritual or religious context, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist, especially one who understands religious trauma. You deserve support—and you deserve to live a life where your thoughts, feelings, identity, and choices are honored.